“Planning is bringing the future into the present so that you can do something about it now.” ~Alan Lakein
Whatever the special occasion, when an older adult has some challenges with hearing, vision, speech, memory, mobility, balance, etc., there may be a reluctance on their part to want to participate. Too many people, a lot of busyness, and an unfamiliar location may be confusing and overwhelming. Situations could occur that trigger some unexpected behaviors in them as well as others involved who may not know the best way to react or respond when someone becomes confused or upset.
Sometimes friends/family have not previously encountered any issues previously, so sharing with others ahead of time can be helpful, when the goal is how to best involve that person in the celebrations with family and friends. It involves meeting them where they are while taking their current capabilities into consideration.
What is best for them may change depending on what is happening, who is involved and a lot of often unanticipated circumstances. One of my favorite recommendations is to advise families to go to the balcony (in your mind) and watch what is evolving so appropriate modifications or distractions can be introduced proactively.
Typical concerns might include whether it is better to bring a loved one over for the celebration for the day, perhaps even overnight or perhaps just for a holiday meal. Each of those options may require some modifications to maximize the experience and/or minimize any disruptions.
If you are planning to bring a family member or friend to your home for some part of the holiday and they are able to get around but are experiencing changes in capabilities, there are some basic things consider as you plan out the day.
Plan Ahead – Things to Consider and Share with Others
“You will find, as you look back upon your life, that the moments when you have really lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.” ~Henry Drummond
Since many older adults are used to less busy settings, there may be furniture, toys, decorations and/or cords that could pose a potential fall risk, especially for those with physical/visual problems or confusion. Make sure the pathways are clear and, if necessary, have family members take turns staying with the older adult for a period of time. It is an opportunity to visit with the loved one, providing companionship on a one-to-one basis, which is usually less stressful for them than sitting with a group of people, especially if there are hearing or memory concerns.
If there are appetizers or other foods served buffet style, offer to go along to help. Sometimes a person will be proud and try and do it without assistance, but balance or appropriate food and beverage choices may need to be monitored.
For some of those with more severe dementia, decorations can be confusing, especially items that talk, move or blink. Children’s toys can be noisy. Family pets may be more active with a large group of people around and may become a hazard for the person with physical, vision, hearing or memory/cognitive concerns.
Sometimes the group will be engaged in some fun but loud voices, laughing or screaming can startle them. My mom had significant hearing loss and when the background noises got louder, she either turned her hearing aid down, took it out, or we would go to a quieter room to visit and let the group enjoy their fun.
If there are a lot of people coming and going, or a quick change in an activity, the older adult with dementia or other challenges may become anxious or even agitated. Not all reactions can be prevented but with increased awareness of the triggers, you may be able to notice a potentially bothersome situation and redirect the person to a different activity or place before it escalates.
An older adult may seem fine for a long period of time and with everyone involved in the celebration, no one may notice when the person has become fatigued or confused. The mood can sometimes seem to change in an instant. Providing distractions or an alternative activity may be an option. Having someone nearby that has an understanding of what might be most helpful can make a huge difference in the day’s activities for everyone.
Sometimes celebrations and gatherings reveal challenges the older adult is experiencing that were not apparent when spending time one-on-one. In situations like this, it may be time to consider a more in-depth assessment whether it is a change noted in demeanor, personality, judgment, or perhaps memory/cognition, hearing, vision, mobility, or physical appearance.
“Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so we can fear less.” ~Marie Curie
Ohio Center for Hope
Toll Free: 833-767-HOPE
8312 Cleveland Ave NW
North Canton, OH 44720
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