Accommodating Older Guests During the Holidays

Common-Sense Accommodations to Welcome Older Adults

If your family’s boisterous holiday gatherings include older adults, you may have noticed they become uncharacteristically quiet, observing but not joining the commotion swirling around them.

Retreating isn’t surprising, says Kathryn Kilpatrick, who has worked with older adults for most of her long career. When you live alone, a holiday gathering can overload the senses. Add poor hearing and eyesight, memory decline, and a break from routine to the mix, and a holiday gathering — no matter how fun — can be tough.

Here are Kilpatrick’s suggestions, along with one of ours, for easing the stress:

• During the holidays, not only are there lots of things to do, but also places to be, events to attend and last-minute changes to make. Create an easy-to-read list (use large print) for older adults who may have memory or hearing challenges. Update the list to reflect changes.

• Whether you are aware of a person’s hearing and/or memory loss or not, slowing your rate of speech and avoiding conversations in areas with a lot of background noise can help. Encourage the listener to ask you to repeat what you say, if necessary. 

• Be safe, not sorry. Candles, tripping hazards (step-down areas and scatter rugs ) or fragile items on low tables need to be changed or monitored for safety. 

• Name tags can be helpful (for all ages). Consider just the first name, use large print, and make them festive.

• Meet them where they are: For many older adults who have dementia, their past becomes their present. They may believe they are still a young child whose parents are wondering where they are. They may worry about their big presentation at work tomorrow, that promotion is really important for their family. What do we, as the family and/or caregivers do when our loved ones are living in the past? Let's start with what not to do. The worst thing you can do is persistently correct them. What's better is to meet them where they are. If they believe they are 10 years old and need to get home before curfew, assure them that their parents said they could stay out late tonight. If they are worried about work, help them get their presentation ready or help them pick an outfit for the next day. When it comes to dementia, there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to tactics. One trick may work one day and do harm the next day. What's most important to remember, no matter what route you take is to meet them where they are. 1) Don’t correct 2) Don’t argue 3) Don’t Test 4) Don’t try to reason

• Stepping away from the group for a short time may be a good option, especially when there are many people over a period of several hours. Consider asking a few people or even one person who knows the person well to go to a quieter area to visit, listen to holiday or relaxing music, or look at old photos. A break can reduce cognitive overload.

• Designate a person to take photos that include guests. Put the pictures in a small album with the names or other details to share with the older adults after the holidays.

Source (modified): https://www.northeastohiothrive.com/accommodating-older-guests/

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